DJs in Parliament?

I do not like politics. I mean I do not like politics AT ALL. Some say that all people are political beings, but the closest I have ever come to active politics was voting for the new constitution (whether I voted yes or no is beside the point). This is for a variety of reasons, partly because I am quite fearful of getting caught up in the violence associated with Zimbabwean politics, partly because I have got better things to do, and partly because I am too honest to become a politician. And also because I find it to be really hard work having to keep the whole populace happy (or aggrieved but quiet), while at the same time ensuring your pockets are lined to the brim.

Lobengula the 2nd

However, I have found it necessary to speak out about a phenomenon that I have noticed is suddenly trending in my beloved country. This is the issue of the calibre of candidates campaigning to stand and be elected in the upcoming “harmonized” elections. I mean, since when do the words DJ and MP fit into the same sentence, describing the same person? DJ standing for Disk Jockey and MP standing for Member of Parliament? Strangely enough for me, and “progressively” enough for some people, this Andriy Rajolina guy (ex-DJ and current President of Madagascar) seems to have inspired quite a lot of people all over the world, and my own country has not been spared the influence. Eric Knight, (a former DJ), Ezra Tshisa Sibanda, (another former DJ) and James Maridadi have all won the right to represent their party in the upcoming elections. Makhosini Hlongwane (a former news correspondent), has already served a few terms as a parliamentarian, (with NO meaningful results).

“This is your president, broadcasting to you live”

If I remember well, qualifying to be a DJ requires only ability to converse fluently in English, and two other local languages, (in most of our cases Ndebele and Shona). And basically nothing else, no pretty face, no Ordinary Level passes, no tertiary level qualification. Therefore, by virtue of being tri-lingual only, you already qualify for this job.

Now, some of you shall argue, judging by their actions and words, this is the same qualification that some of our politicians have, although there have been worse cases, (a grade 2 level dropout). However, this is not, and has never been an ideal scenario. We as Zimbabweans are intelligent people; therefore it is only fitting that we be led by equally intelligent beings, which have got the capacity to address our bread and butter issues. We are not populists, and we are certainly not sensationalists. We act on reason, and not impulse. However, I have to admit, we face quite a stern test, some of us shall go into the polling booth and vote for these quasi-politician public faces, only because their voices from the 90s are ringing out in our heads. And it is quite unfortunate, that the “regime change agenda” party, for want of a better name, has decided to capitalise of the irrationality and predictability of us as humans, and furnish our already decapitated political playground with such substitutes.

In my heart of hearts, with all due respect, I am of the belief that co-opting such figures into our political fray is an unwise decision,. There are people who are likely to vote for them, on the basis that they loved their shows on radio. I mean, we all loved Kwaziso/Ukubingelelana. But does a good speaker become a good deliverer? History has exhibited otherwise. How much do these song shuffling persons have to offer in terms of meaningful development of our country? How much do they know about running a country? How much will they offer in terms of sound economic policies? Beneficial political decisions? I shudder to imagine.

from “that studio” to “this house”

Not that the “revolutionary party” has fared any better, according to rumours doing the rounds. Word has it that a former soccer player, former captain, most capped player and all-time top goal scorer and top national team sponsor, has decided to venture into politics. Isn’t this a case of using popular faces to ensure victory in the polls? And then what when these individuals get into parliament? Mind you there are no balls to kick in that august house. And there certainly are no decks to shuffle, and no songs to play, and replay. I have a sinking feeling that this not a very sound state of affairs, and I stand to be corrected. But as they say, the proof of the pudding is in the eating.